567. Building Communities of Resilience: Inside the Mission of Tuesday's Children - Becky Rossman

Meet Becky. On the 23rd anniversary of 9/11, she’s sharing a raw account of Tuesday's Children's mission and their ever-evolving efforts to support communities still affected by 9/11 and military losses. This heartfelt conversation sheds light on the unending journey of grief and healing, and the crucial role of standing by families as their needs change over time. Discover how they transform pain into purpose—not as a platitude, but as an essential path toward resilience and hope.

💡 Learn

• About Tuesday's Children Mission + Impact
• The Importance of Meeting Evolving Community Needs
• Ways to Support Families Affected by 9/11 + Military Losses

Today's Guest

Becky Rossmanm, CEO, Tuesday’s Children

Episode Highlights

• Becky’s story and journey to where she is today (2:30)
• Overview of Tuesday’s Children (4:30)
• Tuesday’s Children  focus on innovation (12:00)
• Tuesday’s Children’s Programs and how they’ve evolved (17:00)
• Mindsets Becky is bringing to her role as CEO (22:00)
• A powerful moment of philanthropy in Becky’s life (23:00)
• Becky’s One Good Thing: Be a lifelong learner. (27:00)
• How to connect with Becky and Tuesday’s Children (28:00)
  
  

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Chapters

• 0:53 Building Community Resilience With Tuesday's Children
• 14:41 Evolution of Community Support Programs
• 24:36 Empathy and Action in Community Support

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:53

Hey, I'm John.

Speaker 2: 0:54

And I'm Becky.

Speaker 1: 0:55

And this is the we Are For Good podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Nonprofits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.

Speaker 1: 1:07

We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.

Speaker 2: 1:16

So welcome to the good community. We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropists, world changers and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.

Speaker 1: 1:26

So let's get started. Becky, you're not alone today.

Speaker 2: 1:30

We are not alone. We have another impact-driven, becky, in the house. And her mission is like speaking to my heart deeply, especially today.

Speaker 3: 1:40

Yeah, Well, it's an honor to be here with both of you. Oh, we're so glad you're here, thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 1:44

Yeah, it is a special episode. This is September 11th, the day that this is dropping, and we all remember what happened 23 years ago and we wanted to create space. You know, pause is definitely a word that we're talking about this season, and we want to create pause and look at, you know, what's happening behind the scenes, with missions that are still working with families impacted by the 9-11 tragedy, and so today it's a huge honor to have Becky Rossman on the podcast with us. She's the CEO, the very new CEO, so she's going to have a unique lens for Tuesday's children. And if you don't know this mission, you're talking about an organization that provides healing and resilience for military families, the fallen and the families affected by 9-11. They're turning pain into purpose while honoring their legacies. It is no easy mission to lift, but it's one that's easy to lean into and just to hear the stories and hear how they're translating that. She is bringing more than 25 years of experience in the sector to this role and we're so glad to have your energy today. You're a veteran.

Speaker 1: 2:38

Thank you so much for your service.

Speaker 2: 2:39

Thank you for your service. That's amazing, Becky.

Speaker 1: 2:43

Yes, and your personal connection to Tuesday's children mission. I hope that you'll, you know, connect that for us as we ask you about your story. But to have you in the house to talk about this mission on this particular day means the world. Thanks for being here, Becky.

Speaker 3: 2:55

Oh well, thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Yeah Well, let's you know we're casual around here. We got to know about little Becky growing up. I mean, before you tell us about everything beautiful happening at Tuesday's Children, catch us up to what it looked like growing up. What are some formative experiences that led you into this impactful work that you've dedicated your life to?

Speaker 3: 3:12

Well, I grew up in central Illinois and I I actually joined the military at age 17, right out of high school. I was the first person to go to college. My entire family, or the majority of my family, went to the military. So I had a brother in the Army, one in the Marines, my dad was in the Navy. My grandpa was drafted in World War II, so just a really strong lineage with the military community. My background is in trauma, so I have a master's in forensic psychology. I'm a national trainer and responder for crisis response, so I just kind of fell into the CEO role about 18 years ago. Never took a business class in my life, so that was really like drinking from a firehouse.

Speaker 2: 3:54

I love these stories.

Speaker 3: 3:55

But I just, you know it just worked out. It's just one of those things where I had a boss who said I think you should go and apply for this position. I've been a CEO ever since, but really focused on missions that surround people affected by trauma.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Well, lucky us and lucky everyone else who gets to come and sort of intersecting your path. And the thing that I think really struck me about Tuesday's children is you talk about we build communities for a lifetime, and I think that's why I really appreciate this conversation, because nine 11 means something different to all of us, depending on how old we were, where we were geographically, where we were like even just in in our times of seasons of life, and and I love that you all build community more than just a day, more than just an isolated, like one interaction, and so I wonder if you would just like walk us through Tuesday's children. Talk about, um, the empathy that I see is baked in to this, which I can just feel that even from your service and the way that you've leaned into a leadership role. But give us kind of the background and the history on this beautiful mission.

Speaker 3: 5:07

Well, I am only going into my fifth week here.

Speaker 2: 5:11

Oh, you are killing it, doing podcasts and reorging. I'm just really impressed.

Speaker 3: 5:19

Well, the history obviously was created to serve and support the families of 9-11 and the first responders and, as you mentioned, was building that, the communities and the connection. So we, historically they've turned pain into purpose by a multitude of programs that really focus on building resiliency and then also connecting people, kind of reducing that social isolation and building resiliency and then also connecting people, kind of reducing that social isolation and making sure people have the supports they need. They have been very successful. We have an amazing staff and board 20 plus years of success in this sector. But we're kind of at a pivotal moment where we're changing a little bit. So the youth have now aged out. They've become some of our best ambassadors which I'll talk about later Smart.

Speaker 3: 5:59

But when we look at the 9-11 community, what we're kind of hearing from we have a family advisory board. Now it's kind of a season of struggle as a lot of them are becoming empty nesters and that can be an emotional time for people in the best of circumstances, but it's kind of one more season of grief they weren't anticipating after 9-11. So we're looking at how we can best continue to serve the 9-11 community, mainly by listening to them and meeting them where they're at, and then now we're expanding into families of the fallen post 9-11. So the connection there is, as you're probably aware, after 9-11, we had a massive influx of people joining the military and unfortunately we have lost a lot. So we really want to wrap around those families as well.

Speaker 1: 6:48

I mean you've got kind of these distinct programs, but I want to call out the kids that have grown up through this program and you said they've aged out, they've now become ambassadors. It feels like you are talking values back to us. This is why we talk about everyone matters. This is why we talk about cultivate and activate your rabid fans. You know you have people that have experienced this in a very tactile form and now they're activated. What does that look like to activate ambassadors and kind of tell us how you're using them today?

Speaker 3: 7:16

I will tell you, I recently met our junior board and just they just embody our entire mission, right. They were kind of what TC was Tuesday's children was created for. You know, they were youth, they were the mentees and had adult mentors and they went through our programs and when I was listening to them talk about the impacts, we had two young women talk about they wouldn't be where they are today if it wasn't for Tuesday's children. And when I was listening to them talk about the impacts, we had two young women talk about they wouldn't be where they are today, if it wasn't for Tuesday's Children and one said, you might not be here at all.

Speaker 3: 7:47

So that just goes to show how impactful these programs have been. But yeah, so now they're on our junior board. They're raising money for Tuesday's Children so that we can serve more families, and some of them have even gone from mentee to mentor and they're mentoring Gold Star Kids, and to me, that is just who Tuesday's Children is, right. It's about service, it's about connection and it's about helping other people and I'm just excited for our future looking at these. I mean, this junior board is a dynamic group of young professionals and gives me hope for the future.

Speaker 2: 8:17

And I want to commend you for giving that audience, which is clearly so important to you, a platform, a voice, a way to share their stories and their needs.

Speaker 2: 8:32

And we just feel too often that you know kids, teens, like they have a really interesting perspective on generosity, like they have a really interesting perspective on generosity, on philanthropy, on being straight shooters Hello, how many times have our kids said something that was incredibly candid and we all wanted to hide underneath a rock? But it's really think that what you're doing to listen has got to be a part of your culture. Because I'm even looking at your socials, I'm looking at your messaging and it's all about listening, it's all about empowering the end user. And you, I want to double click on something you said, because you talked about building a community of resilience and you literally have programs around this like wraparound services. You've got them translated into multiple languages and I want you to talk like about that and I cause it feels like such an important part as we all start to weather. You know, our lives without the people that we love in them and I would love it for you to just kind of talk about that, how that's nestled in your culture.

Speaker 3: 9:36

Well, I mentioned earlier, we're kind of at a pivotal stage. So when you look at our website, which we need to update, so Tuesday's Children used to do these amazing retreats. They actually included international retreats to bring people together who experienced loss through trauma and terrorism. But, as I kind of talked about, we're still holding fast with our 9-11 communities. Terrorism, but, as I kind of talked about, we're still holding fast with our 9-11 communities. But we're seeing kind of different needs in the families of the fallen. So we're taking what we learned and applying it because they've been hugely successful. But there's been some barriers. So, families of the fallen, 63% are below the poverty line. 25% of gold star kids have suicidal ideation. So we're kind of at, as I've been telling the staff, maslow's hierarchy of needs. We're on the bottom rung. Our families are in crisis, so we need to figure out how to meet them and stabilize where they are to help. But also, within the 9-11 community, it was centralized in one location and the whole world kind of wrapped around them. Right, like lots of supports, lots of community building. Well, when you're a family of the fallen, if you lose your spouse, you have to leave base, if you're living on base, so the kids actually lose their community, the families lose their community so they might have to switch schools. They lose their friends, they lose their teachers, they lose everything they know, besides losing a parent in the military and we don't have it, it is. It's just trying to figure out how can we best meet them where they're at. Obviously, these programs have been wildly successful in the 9-11 community, so we want to make sure that the families of the fallen have equal success in these. But it's going to take a little bit of tweaking and that's kind of what we're working on right now, like how can we best serve, as I keep saying, the 9-11 community where they're at, but also the families of the fallen. So taking what we learned and applying it. So we have, even prior to me coming on board just five weeks ago, they actually stopped doing the retreats and the supporting like international, because we really just want to hone in on these two populations.

Speaker 3: 11:43

Now I will tell you, our staff has done an amazing job.

Speaker 3: 11:45

They're very innovative and they realized that we couldn't necessarily do the retreats for, like the gold star wives because they couldn't afford childcare. So this year they piloted two family summits, which one was in Philadelphia, one was in DC and they were hugely successful and we plan on replicating them and doing four next year and the different quadrants throughout the nation. And one of the things they did is they brought the family together for a weekend. They had fun activities, you know. They might have went to a baseball game, they went, they were going to meet Congress, but the biggest thing is they could all go together. But then they also had separate times where the adults could be with other adults who had a loss and the kids could be with other kids who had a loss and they did it in a safe space. But you know I have to commend the staff because this was all them right before I came on board and that is a great way of meeting the needs and understanding that they have different needs.

Speaker 1: 12:40

I mean I love it because I'll quote more of our values, because I hear it playing out is disrupt, grow, adapt, repeat. It's like asking a better question and figuring out the best way to solve these things, and so that may mean evolving the retreat to make it more accessible and more inclusive and all those things. So it's beautiful to see your team rise up for that. Becky, this is kind of off script, but I'm just curious because your career has not taken you alongside what I would say like easy topics or easy missions. I mean you yourself said the word trauma is very present in a lot of these organizations that you're part of. We've gotten to talk to a lot of missions. We're really passionate about storytelling and fundraising and all of that together. What have you learned in the balance? The honoring of dignity of individuals and humans that you're serving, while at the same time trying to share stories to get people to understand, maybe, what people are going through and try to close the door, close the gap on support. What have you learned along your way?

Speaker 3: 13:39

Well, that's a really good question. One of the things we talk about in Nova Crisis Response and it's been my experience most people are resilient, most people are going to get through things even without some supports. But making sure that we are there for those who need additional supports and educating them on what that looks like management and we would let people know. You know we would work with them in the beginning, but hey, if you're still having these issues, you know, six months later, this is where you probably need to seek additional help or supports. The one thing I love about Tuesday's Children is building these communities where people get to be in touch with their peers and and build resiliency and different modalities. So we actually do provide counseling, whether it's using Cohen clinics so they'll do free counseling, but they're not everywhere across the nation and then we pay for someone to provide counseling if they need that service.

Speaker 3: 14:42

And it definitely is hard kind of keeping the balance right. You have to be able to tell those stories, but in a dignified way, because people just don't know right. You have to be able to tell those stories, but in a dignified way, because people just don't know right. People still struggle, even with the 911 community. You know, all these years later, like some families I've talked to, we've invited them to some events and they're like. You know that's part of my past and I can respect that. You know they've moved on. But then we have some that are having new things pop up, like I mentioned, um, you know, being an empty nester, or we've actually had a few younger people tell me that working in the tall buildings in New York, um, when they hear a fire alarm or something like that, it bumps, what we call those trauma bruises.

Speaker 1: 15:23

Um and they think about what their parents might've gone through, right.

Speaker 3: 15:27

So then they talk about maybe the need for counseling and why they can afford it. Not everybody in that community can, so that's why we're kind of looking at potentially figuring out a way to pay for counseling for the 9-11 community too thank you for doing that.

Speaker 2: 15:41

It is so massively important. I love that you have really expanded what this nonprofit really came to do and I love that you're expanding the evolution to have hard conversations, to step in the gaps and really listen, to figure out from beginning to end how do we serve these families? Oh, they don't have childcare Okay, we need to show up and provide that. Oh, they're losing not only their home, they're losing their friend structures. Okay, we have to stand in the gap of that moment in time right now and I just think that what you're doing in this evolution is really, really interesting.

Speaker 2: 16:21

It feels like you're meeting the modern need and I wish you would just kind of talk to our listeners right now about your program's evolution, like how you started and what the impact is today and how it's grown and sort of, because we're really trying to teach and talk to people about what you may have started doing, may have served a need then. But listen to your community, listen to your believers and your rapid fans. What are they telling you? How can you evolve in tandem with them? And I really think you're doing a great example of this. So I'd love to hear some of the programs and impact and what they're doing today versus at the beginning.

Speaker 3: 17:00

Oh, absolutely Well, I can't take credit because a lot of these things were in motion as I stepped on board, but I do think it's important to listen to people and understand whether, as you pointed out, like the modern, needs and the thing about trauma is in grief. It's an unique journey. No one experiences grief in the same way, so it can be kind of hard, especially sometimes it happens in the same household, where when parents lose a child, it might take one longer than the other to get. It's not something you ever get past, yeah, but it's really hard to communicate. You know like some people are like. You know, I can't live in this space forever and then some people kind of get stuck in that immediate after the event or whatever, and into that level of grief.

Speaker 3: 17:47

As far as the programs, I think I touched on the long-term mentoring. That's something that's been going on. In fact I've mentioned the junior board already, but the two co-chairs actually still meet with their mentors and this is like at least 10 years later. So they still have that relationship and that's really important, because I don't know if you guys have ever heard of adverse childhood experiences. Sure, aces, aces, so, and you know the loss of a parent, whether it's through death, incarceration or divorce. It's very impactful. But what we know is there are protective factors that can mitigate the long-term consequences of ACEs, the medical and mental health, substance abuse, all of those things. The number one important protective factor is having a trusted adult outside the home. So the long-term mentoring obviously we have that and kind of leaning that in.

Speaker 3: 18:40

As I said, to the families of the fallen. They used to do really large retreats but again and some of that is financial but it's also as we pivot to go more into the families of the fallen it just didn't make sense because it wasn't meeting their needs where they're at. We also have career resource centers with Goldman Sachs and State Farm and it kind of helps let young adults network, kind of get an idea of interview process. But again, our staff's really listening to families of the fallen and what we're hearing is like and I think this has to do with COVID as well the 16 to 30 year old failure to launch. So now it's a little bit different where our 9-11 young adults really like those different types of career resource centers we actually are seeing. They need to know how do you fill out, how do you adult right.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Totally that financial literacy piece is so important.

Speaker 3: 19:35

Yeah, how do you respond in an interview? How do someone text you or email you? How do you respond? I mean, it's just those things.

Speaker 3: 19:43

So that's what we're hearing from the families of the fallen. They're like we need a lesson on how you adult, because we also know when you lose a parent. So you're down to one parent and now they're struggling, sometimes financially working a lot. They don't have the capacity to really help in those areas. So that's where we need some additional, or the families need some additional supports. So it really is just pivoting a lot of the things that we've done really well and we're actually in the process of mining our data and our families to see what are your top three needs and how can we meet them, or how can we partner with other organizations across the country. There are so many wonderful organizations in this space, but everyone kind of has their own little niche right. So if we can be referral resources for each other, if we can help wrap holistic services around our family, I mean that's what we really need to do is work together to make sure families aren't falling through the cracks.

Speaker 1: 20:33

I just love hearing that Becky's smiling too.

Speaker 2: 20:35

I do too. I'm just like you. All are literally adapting, Like this is our seventh core value disrupt, grow, adapt, repeat. It's like in this constant heartbeat and rhythm of listening and changing in tandem with your community. I'm really geeked out about it. And if that spoke to you at all, listener, please go check out the Tuesday's Children website and check out mentoring. See if there's something you can do locally in your community. Sorry, John, go ahead, Love it. Thanks for the plug Of course.

Speaker 1: 21:06

I mean, we're your hype squad right here. I mean, Becky, clearly you're coming into this role with a lot of leadership experience and I'm curious about your mindsets. I mean, as a leader walking into this organization that's had so much impact, you're kind of evolving into this next phase. What are you thinking about? What are the mindsets you're bringing in? What's the vision Kind of what's on the horizon for what's next for Tuesday's Children?

Speaker 3: 21:29

So my mindset is always looking to, as a leader, to build more leaders right. So the end goal is sustainability and I'm lucky, I think this is going to be an easy part because I have an extraordinary staff. But I think the mindset is just building on our past success and figuring out how we are going to transfer that into the future, into our next, and there's a lot of things when you go into your next chapter. So we've talked about everything from really figuring out mission clarity. Sometimes you have to scale back a little bit and decide what do we do? Really well, let's become the experts in that and let's see how we can replicate that across the country. It might even involve rebranding.

Speaker 3: 22:13

We've kind of talked about that, but then that's kind of a hard thing because we want to stay firm with our Tuesday's children, but it doesn't resonate within the military and families of the fallen community. The name doesn't tie. So just looking at some of those bigger overarching things, but I think the mindset is just meeting people where they're at. That's the ultimate goal is making sure our services are of value to them and that you know we're good stewards of donors' money and just leaning in and filling those gaps, as one of you mentioned earlier.

Speaker 2: 22:46

Well, I'm proud of you for saying all those things.

Speaker 2: 22:48

It really is giving me vibes, john, when we visited with Crystal Clark at Stop Soldier Suicide and I remember they were talking about their rebrand from Stop Soldier Suicide to Roger and what each of those programs mean, and I think it's just wonderful and proof that just because you started with an idea, with your nonprofit, with your mission, doesn't mean it can't evolve. And I think you're listening so well. I just I have a real heart for your mission, becky, and I think one of the things that struck me on your website that I want to make sure that people understand is that fewer than 1% out of all of these 44,000 plus military serving nonprofits, fewer than one percent serve these gold star or like families of fallen soldiers, and very few of those that do even provide them lifelong support. So I just want to thank you for the way that you're coming alongside these families to meet their needs, creating new programs, measuring in different ways. It's just really exciting.

Speaker 2: 23:52

We're going to keep our eye on you all and we really value the power of story here on this podcast. And I'm wondering you've had this long career in nonprofit as a leader. What's a moment of philanthropy that has really stayed with you, because of how poignant it was, because it hit you at the right time and the right moment. Would you take us back and share that story with us?

Speaker 3: 24:16

Well, I will, but it actually wasn't an organization that I led Even better. So it was the most impactful fundraiser I ever attended and I go to a lot of them, but I would never do it again. Okay, can't wait. So in Peoria, illinois, there's an organization called Phoenix Community Development Center and what they do is they provide services like housing and stuff for mental health. Well, to highlight homelessness and raise funds, they do gimme shelter every year.

Speaker 3: 24:48

So I slept outside in a cardboard box in the middle of January and it was a horrible experience. I'm not even going to lie, but I'll tell you I've never met, I've never been to one event that drew you so close to the mission. So I came in because they let us bring in whatever we wanted. I came in with all my cold weather army gear. It was maybe five degrees out if that. I was so cold I couldn't sleep.

Speaker 3: 25:14

It was honestly painful, and now I have a whole new outlook when I see people on the streets, unhoused, underhoused. It really tied the people to the mission. It was also a brilliant way to raise money, because to sleep in a box you had to raise a certain dollar amount, right. So that brought all these other philanthropists into the organization. But it was just probably the most profound experience I've had, and every time I see someone who is on the streets it takes me right back there and makes me want to give people money because I just realized. You know, just, I can't even imagine how bad it is for them, because one night in a cardboard box was one of the worst experiences I've ever had.

Speaker 2: 26:03

Wow, becky Rossman doesn't just talk about stuff, she does stuff. Like I think there is a big difference between being a leader who says the things and a leader who goes and does the thing. That's really profound. That was a really powerful story. Thank you.

Speaker 3: 26:17

One of my, one of my friends and mentors, Kelly Portman, with Nova. She always says be about it, Don't talk about it.

Speaker 2: 26:25

Well said from Kelly's lips.

Speaker 1: 26:27

Yes, Becky's dad, don't tell me, show me, I mean that is my dad, don't tell me, show me, I like that, I'll use that too.

Speaker 1: 26:35

Yeah, quote Steve Krause. So I mean, this has been such a rich conversation. We ask all of our guests at the end to to share a one good thing, and that could be defined as you know. It could be a mantra, it could be a life hack, or maybe a piece of advice that has come to you is through this conversation today what's the one good thing you'd leave with our audience?

Speaker 3: 26:55

That's hard, with just one good thing right, I would say just being a lifelong learner. I spend five hours a week, um, either on leadership stuff or filling in the gaps, and very self-aware where my weaknesses are, but whether that's leading listening to podcasts, reading, I also spend a lot of time with either my mentors or the people I mentor, which is equally as enriching and I learned just as much from my mentees as I do my mentors. But I would just say lifelong learning.

Speaker 2: 27:23

Well, you are preaching to the choir Like John McCoy literally is the person who taught me what growth mindset was. I literally had never heard that, probably eight years ago or so, and I think that what you're doing.

Speaker 2: 27:38

I know you're teaching you're teaching me, friend but I do think the ripple from that leadership is going to pay dividends to your team, and so, anytime we ever have a mission on the podcast, we want to give them space to tell us what do you need? Where can people connect with you? How can this community show up and fill in the gap for Tuesday's children? Yeah, and tell us where you hang out online.

Speaker 3: 28:04

So I think the gaps or where we could use help is we need more mentors. So right now we have 10, um gold star children who are looking for a mentor. The majority are either in Florida or Maryland.

Speaker 2: 28:16

Okay, florida, maryland, coming to you right here, and where can they go to check that out?

Speaker 3: 28:23

I believe on our website there is a way that they can connect to um apply to become a mentor. It is a little bit of a rigorous process. It's like big brothers, big sisters. So obviously we do the background checks and everything to keep kids safe, but just making sure it's a good fit with the mentees we have to.

Speaker 1: 28:37

Tell us where you hang out online If people are going to want to connect with you and follow kind of your story as well.

Speaker 3: 28:43

Yeah, so I'm on LinkedIn. This is Becky Rossman and I welcome emails. Linkedin is Becky Rossman and I welcome emails. Becky, at Tuesdays childrenorg.

Speaker 2: 28:50

Please go find Becky Rossman, watch her leadership unfolding. I just followed you on LinkedIn myself. Um and and truly, I really thank you for coming in and putting so much empathy into the conversation and reframing how we can really circle around it. We can all do more good.

Speaker 3: 29:08

Oh well, thank you so much, becky and John.

Speaker 2: 29:11

Yes, yes, lovely to know. You Keep going. We're rooting for you, friend. Thank you.